


Rainy Day Candle

by VeePASTA



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cheating, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Heavy Angst, Its triggering now, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Multi, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Tired Lance (Voltron), Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 02:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18730255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeePASTA/pseuds/VeePASTA
Summary: *changes were made to the first chapter*“Quiet yet ever so bright” was the phrase Lance used to use to describe his and Keith's relationship. They were quiet. Loving but like the gentle flame of a candle. Dark enough to let you sleep at night but bright enough to keep the monsters under the bed away. Flickering brightly as it encompassed the room peacefully. Lance for the first time in a long time was happy. Those three years he spent with Keith was beautifully fulfilling: satisfying an urge he didn't know filling would be so addicting. But then the candle wasn't enough anymore and it was replaced with a bellowing fireplace, and Shiro encompassed the room so much brighter...so much warmer. There was no need for a candle anymore. The flame moved into the pretty little alcove and Shiro encompassed it beautifully. But the candle...the candle was left where it stood. Short little thing, scent burned away, as it had lost its defined shape. But like anything that people grew fond of, it was placed in a cabinet for a rainy day. Thats where Lance was. In the cabinet only used and needed on a rainy day...oh those beautiful and-





	Rainy Day Candle

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing a story that doesnt involve people going crazy or sex so that's a first. Constructive criticism wanted. If anyone wants second chapter I'll do it give me suggestions. 
> 
> Edit: Y'all I revamped the first chapter. There's changes in this chapter read it! Itll make it easier for me to write a the second chapter. It may not make sense to you guys but it will once I'm done ;)

“Quiet yet ever so bright” was the phrase Lance used to use to describe his and Keith's relationship. They were quiet. Loving but like the gentle flame of a candle. Dark enough to let you sleep at night but bright enough to keep the monsters under the bed away. Flickering brightly as it encompassed the room peacefully. Lance for the first time in a long time was happy. Those three years he spent with Keith was beautifully fulfilling: satisfying an urge he didn't know filling would be so addicting. But then the candle wasn't enough anymore and it was replaced with a bellowing fireplace, and Shiro encompassed the room so much brighter...so much warmer. There was no need for a candle anymore. The flame moved into the pretty little alcove and Shiro encompassed it beautifully. But the candle...the candle was left where it stood. Short little thing, scent burned away, as it had lost its defined shape. But like anything that people grew fond of, it was placed in a cabinet for a rainy day. Thats where Lance was. In the cabinet only used and needed on a rainy day...oh those beautiful and peaceful rainy days.   
________________________________________

Lance met Shiro as the rain cascaded down slowly, all encompassing, as it cast a blue haze across the horizon as if it were all a tantalizing dream...and Shiro was standing there. Next to the playground under the red oak that's been standing there, tall and proud, for as long as Lance could remember, and Lance couldn't help but say hello. Constant hellos as they met at a coffee place the next week becoming close and precious friends within the next few months. He invited the man who shined so brightly to meet the flame keeping him so warm and happy, despite the quenching twist in his chest that didn't make sense at the time. 

Lance doesn't regret those moments. Doesn't ever regret the way the second Keith and Shiro eyes met the sky turned pink. The blue that once hung there, like the flowing curtains that stood in their window blew in the wind, were pushed well beyond the horizon just barely mist from the corners of their eyes. They were bonded since the creation of the universe, galaxies swirling in their eyes, just as destiny fated them to be pushed together...and like it was destined to be Lance was destined to just be the push.

They loved him too. Despite everything destiny lovingly gave them by being with each other (without him) they still loved him, and Lance used the happiness that knowledge gave him to build his hopes into a brilliant illuminating priori. They wasted their soul blinding love on him and he bathed himself in it. He would never turn that sky purple or fill the room like a fireplace did, but Lance was happy with just being that little ugly candle. 

They held his hand so tenderly, never as softly as they held each other's, but it was enough. Enough when Lance wrapped his hands around Keith's neck while Keith and Shiro kissed each other delicately over his shoulder. It was enough just to receive a quiet good morning from both of them when he woke up alone while they cuddled in bed. It was enough to hear them laugh at his cheesy pick up lines while they asked about each other's day. ENOUGH when they went on date night without him and remembered to bring him leftovers. Yes...it was enough. Those delicious leftovers were enough. He loved them so so much. They warmed him to the bones despite making his chest feel like ice sometimes. It was only sometimes and he didn't complain when they always remembered to give enough. When he got less hugs then Keith and less kisses then Shiro he always thanked destiny they could be happy together. 

Their wedding (Shiro and Keith's wedding) was beautiful. Even if Lance didn't get to stand up there with them he still got to give Keith away. He got to do their hair and pick their suits, pick the flowers (Blue hydrangeas and pink roses), and where it took place; it was more than enough for an unneeded candle like him. It wasn't their faults that only 2 of them could be married by law, and it was all made up for when shiro still remembered to give him a ring. Even if the ring was just a small gold band...even if Keith's had little pink diamonds on it beautifully representing the flame that was Keith…he wasn't jealous to begin with and if somehow at a later date he is it'll all be ok. Shiro promised that after the wedding when he had more money he would get him one just like Keith's if not better. Keith even promised to pitch in to make Lance stop crying. He wasn't crying cause of how small the ring was though. The little ring was alluring, and he was so happy so much thought went into it. It represented Lance beautifully, small, barely enough gold to reflect the beautiful fireplace and had, just like the candle, enough sentimental value to be kept around. Just thinking about it makes him smile as he admires it next to Keith and Shiro quietly spooning as they sleep. 

He was unbearably tired sometimes. Some unspeakable force would drag his limbs down and made him feel so incredibly heavy. He couldn't hold his weight if he chose to push himself up. His heart feeling heavy and odd. Any little thought made him so incredibly anxious and the urge to cry all consuming. He so wished to get out of bed during those times. So when Keith and Shiro left that morning for work he could go wish them goodbye but he couldn't. Lifting up his arms was difficult, moving his mouth always required more energy than he had at the time. So he would just lay there. Keith and Shiro leaving without a care despite him not moving to say goodbye. He supposed all those nights he spent thinking about the warmth Keith and Shiro gave him would end up catching him. His chest felt so odd. Like little butterflies found their way there and fluttered around, making him uncomfortable as his heart skipped beats. This unspeakable urge to cry enveloping him every so often. He skipped work those days. Layed there missing the quiet bookstore that made him so happy as he greeted new people always complimenting them and filling with satisfaction as they left with such pretty smiles.

Lance always felt himself again sometime after. Mostly. He could get up to say goodbye and tell them he loved them as Shiro and Keith left hand in hand every day weeks having passed since the wedding. They were all planning to go on a honeymoon soon. All of them working extra hours so they could extend it by an extra two weeks. Lance finishing the chores after they left always feeling so tingly and weak after those episodes so it would take him a little longer. He always got to work at noon and got back long after closing. The owners paying him extra if he stacked the books in alphabetical order and gave the flowers water. Then he'd be home hearing Keith and shiro laughing while eating dinner. Sometimes they'd make a plate for him sometimes they'd just leave extra food for him in the refrigerator. The thought of missing out didn't phase Lance as he was almost at his goal. Just a little more and they could all leave together on that trip and wherever they go he'll just be happy they spent time together. The thought of it made Lance so so happy the weak feeling gone as the dopamine like always kicked in and washed it away. 

Sometimes Lance would hear moans from the guest room that he knew wasn't Keith or Shiro's. He's known about Adam for months now the lighter that made the fireplace burn even brighter: he had come home early about a year after Shiro came into the picture and heard them making music much different from when Lance was there. It was rough and loud he could hear everything from the living room. When Lance was there it was always so quiet and soft...maybe they liked it the other way and he was hindering them because they know he liked the soft and soothing touches. He knew Adam was a friend of Shiro's or at least that's what Adam said when he came into the bookstore one day to get a cookbook. No one told him who it was...he figured it out on his own after seeing how uncomfortable Adam was when Lance talked about Keith's, Shiro's, and his relationship. 

Them having Adam didn't bother Lance as much as it probably would have bothered someone else (should have bothered him). He never saw Adam outside of the one time at the bookstore and never heard him talk to Keith and Shiro outside the guest room. Lance was happy someone could give them what they truly wanted instead of only conforming to what he needed. As long as they didn't ever do it in their bed...the bed they all bought together, the bed they saved up for together...As long as it was that way Lance would know they still loved him; that they still had a place for him. So he let it be. Didn't say anything didn't ask questions when they brought the guest room laundry down despite there being no guests. He couldn't. He knows there's a time limit and and asking would only make the time go away faster.

Then so agonizingly quick their honeymoon came and went. They had all gone to the place Keith had been begging to go for months. Even though Lance didn't care where they went and would be happy no matter what he still would've liked to have been asked where he wanted to go too. But it makes since after all it wasn't his wedding. Well...they said it was “our” wedding so of course it wasn't only Lance's choice so if Shiro liked Keith's ideas it's already a majority vote, so he guessed after rationalizing it like that it's not like they needed to ask him. Lately after the trip the episodes in which he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed increased. He didn't need to make as much money anymore so he told the nice bookstore owners he needed less hours. They looked at him sadly and told him if he wanted to they could just give him a paid leave. Lance didn't understand why they looked so sad, or why they would give him such a generous offer. It was lil ol Lance after all, he didn't deserve such kindness. He asked them if it was really ok...he needed the break. He could feel the exhaustion pulling at his bones and really really needed it. He needed some more sleep and he'll feel better; could get out of bed without feeling heavy if he said yes. 

They told him it was more then fine and that their grandson had asked to work there part time anyways. They said he could come back whenever he felt better. He felt relieved knowing that he could come back. So he went home... and didn't go back…

He slept most of the days away. Slept and slept… and he just...he didn't feel better. Lance layed there so tired and sometimes he'd think he only closed his eyes for more seconds and suddenly it would go from 10 minutes after Shiro and Keith left to 5 in the afternoon 2 hours before they would come home. He lost track of time as the weeks passed by. The only time he could even make it out of bed was to do the chores and sometimes those...slacked a bit. He did what he could before he just couldn't move anymore and went back to bed. Shiro and Keith didn't know he was feeling like that or that their little candle wasn't going to work lately. He lost weight from not eating enough food being too tired to feel hungry. He thinks Shiro and Keith noticed that he lost weight and that he was home before they got home and made extra big dinners always calling him down now. It made him feel better knowing they at least cared that much. Until...until that feeling was long gone and short lived…

He heard Keith and Shiro come in with Adam like usual. The front door jingling open and Lance heard them laughing. They never laughed like that with him… 

The guest room was downstairs right by the door. Lance was preparing to go back to sleep when he noticed the footsteps didn't stop where they were supposed too. The laughing getting louder as they went up the stairs. No...No..NoNoNONONO! They came to their door! Lance's, Shiro's, and Keith's bedroom it was their bedroom. But then it was clear that it wasn't Lance's bedroom anymore when they opened the door and all three came walking in only to see Lance laying in their bed. Their clothes already off no excuses could even be made as they locked eyes. This was it..the moment. It's done the candle was just a memory. It wasn't needed! It was over! They were going to throw it away now...thow Lance away now. He felt the tears spring into his eyes as he weakly tried to get out of the bed. The heaviness permanently set in his bones only weighing heavier as he attempted to sit up. Shiro and Keith still stunned into silence as they attempted to reach out to him. To lie to him. Lance breathed heavily as the tears poured down his face and he leaned against the wall unable to hold his own weight as he slowly walked to his closet wearing nothing but an oversized shirt that belonged to Shiro...the last thing he'll get of Shiro..

Lance's hands shook uncontrollably as he pulled the door open and grabbed his bag. The one he filled with all his stuff just the day before. Hoping he wouldn't have to leave so soon. Hoping he would get to eventually unpack his stuff once more. Shiro and Keith didn't even notice when all his stuff was gone. Not that a useless candle owned much to begin with. It just basked in whatever the fireplace and flame had.

Lance's tired legs gave out as he attempted to drag his stuff out the door passed them. He was sobbing as he crawled across the room before Shiro and Keith found their voices again not that they really had much to say to them. 

"Lance I-"  
"Lance we-"

"Shhh~ I know. I'll just go and get out of your hair…"

Lance managed to put his legs under himself as he finally stood and made it to the threshold of their room. He knew once he left there was no going back. They didn't love him anymore...the voice in his head already silenced knowing there was no point in whispering the sad stuff to him when this was the worst it could get. But Lance needed to this go make them Happy. He supports this. Whatever it took to make them happy, and he picked up his foot to step into the the hallway.

Someone wrapped their arms around him as Lance sobbed his heart out. He's scared. This is what he was so so scared of. Nothing else filled him with more fear and anxiety then being replaced but it happened and he wanted to die. His heart, the one he tried to keep to together by being optimistic and doing his best to only look for the good things in everything crumbled. It hurt! It hurt so much! What was he supposed to do? Lance heard the muffled apologies their begging making him cry harder because he didn't know what they needed. It was clear he couldn't make them happy. It was plain as day that the candle only brought pain. He needed to make them happy. He NEEDS to! He needed to go for them. It doesn't matter what he wants. It didn't matter who Adam was. This is what they needed. They needed lance out of the picture. But… but why couldn't he walk any further? Shiro's strong arms crushing him as they tried to keep Lance from walking any further, his own legs giving out because he didn't have the energy to try anymore and Keith's apologies and begging him to stay despite them clearly not needing him. They took the candle out of the cupboard and placed it next to the trash can yet they begged it not to jump.

Lance heard screaming and crying as someone began to stroke his hair. He clawed at his throat because he couldn't breathe anymore! It hurt! It HURT! What do they want from him!? Lance is giving them what they want! They walked away from him! They found a replacement yet when he wanted to make them happy and get out of the way they held on even tighter! What is he supposed to do? What was he supposed to do…

Adam left during the chaos, just as deafeningly as he came in. Yelling things like "You guys were going to leave him for me once he knew!?" or "what about me? You guys said you loved me!" Only confusing him more as Adam stormed out crying and throwing stuff around as he left, glass shattering in the hallway as Adam's whirlwind fury continued to destroy things in its wake. They were leaving him why wont they chase him? They should go after Adam! They love Adam so why are they here? They need to be happy if Adam's sad they'll be sad! Lance found the strength to grip his hands on Keith's shoulders and shake him a little bit. They need to go! They need to be happy and Lance wasn't giving them enough anymore they could at least help him by finding happiness and chase after it!

He sobbed as Keith continued to stay there in front of him obviously not understanding his blubbering. Lance was trying so hard for them! Why? Why won't they chase Adam!? He begged God to help them understand that they didn't need him anymore! They clearly didn't! He needed to make them happy! It's all he was good for! He lived almost every waking moment to make them smile and if he isn't doing that then he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near them!

Air! He couldn't breath. The air around him was getting thick and heavy. He needed to breath! Air! AIR! He pulled his hands off of Keith and grabbed at his throat. He dug his nails as deep as he could into the skin. It's all he could think to do. To RIP his trachea open and let the air in. He could feel the continued shaking in his hands as the black spots danced before him. 

Someone tried to pull his hands away but he wouldn't let them. He can't let them stop him! He needs to feel like anything but what he did now. The air around him felt like his was breathing in fire it filled his lungs and left then burning. They didn't want him! He didn't want him! Why were they holding him back? They! Didn't! Want! Him! They had such beauty with each other. Beauty with Adam…….....BREATHE! Breath! Just breath! He heard voices screaming at him to just take a deep breath. But how could he? He was trying couldn't they see that? He felt a warm liquid travel down his fingers. Oh...he was drowning...he wasn't burning. The air wasn't full of fire he couldn't breathe because he was drowning, and then he was snuffed out...


End file.
